It was one of those days.
When finding this was like a small, but beautifully merciful gift found in the top drawer of my dresser. I do not remember putting it in there, and none of that matters. All I knew was a sense of relief that there was chocolate. Right in front of me. More than one piece. It was like finding money.
I may or may not have furtively glanced behind me for any small intruders on the prowl as I quickly unwrapped the first delicious morsel.
I did not teach from rest today. Today was anything but restful.
I want to write about all the lovely things we discovered as the result of a tough day, but fact is – it was just hard. I tried everything I could think of to bring us back to a place of sanity, but it just wasn’t working. And days like this leave me feeling breathless and failure-ridden.
I do know this. There is grace for me. And there is grace for my children. And there were apologies and hugs before bedtime. I will rest in this, and try hard not to imagine the fear-of-the-future scenarios that rush into my head ..stuff that moms don’t typically talk a lot about. Though surely, surely I’m not the only one who deals with those fears?
The fact remains. Parenting is hard work. I always heard that and thought of work like the physical back-breaking kind of hard work. No one ever told me that it is mental and emotional hard work. The second-guessing. The unkind words. The not knowing how best to reach your children. The sin. Just the sheer volume of people in the house when you are all together. Ahem. Especially when you homeschool. And you happen to be an introvert who likes her space and quiet.
I love my children No question there. And they love me. But we don’t always act loving toward each other. So once again. Grace. And tomorrow is a new day.
Now I reallyreally hope I haven’t permanently scared anyone away from this blog as a result of my rather negative few paragraphs. Real life in our house just isn’t always pretty. And I just gotta say – joy and gratitude are wonderful things. But the reason I care about them so much is because I desperately need that focus. I need to choose joy because I tend toward fear and failure and grouchiness and not seeing the good and beautiful.
So – I was really glad to find the chocolate today.
And I was very glad to see my husband when he got home. Oh calm. That is him personified.
My littlest little decided to potty train herself and is having very few accidents.
I got to talk on the phone with my dear friend who is in South America with her newly adopted babe, waiting to come home. Loved hearing the sound of her voice.
I got to talk to another friend today who encouraged me to pray and reminded me that I am not alone.
I got to spin for a little bit this afternoon.
OH right! This is supposed to be a yarn along post! Haha! I almost forgot for a minute.
I’ve been working on this all week in any spare moment I can grab.
And I cast on a dishcloth. I like to have a dishcloth going most all the time. They make great gifts and I seem to never have enough clean ones.
This yellow! It has a hold on me. I want to make yellow sweaters. Yellow socks. Spin yellow fiber. ALL THE YELLOW. I never liked yellow. But my sweet friend who was here last night, curled up across from me chatting up a storm ’til 11:00 does. And she has a delicious way of influencing me for the better. Including her affinity for yellow. I made her some yellow socks awhile back and I’ve been hooked ever since.
Still reading Teaching from Rest. (Methinks a good dose of this will come in handy after my day today). Also still reading The Rivers Run Dry. And in the evenings? My husband has been reading this first book in the Chronicles of Narnia to the boys. They are completely entranced. And it soothes me a little, too, to be read aloud to. = )
The allegorical nature of this series (that I’ve never read but my husband has) is completely blowing me away. We’re discussing it as we read… they catch on very quick to what is good/evil. And Aslan… oh my. This lion is such a beautiful allegory of Jesus. He’s so gentle and strong. I look forward to listening every evening.
So all in all? We had a hard day. We all still love each other.
I’m really glad for grace. And that we get to start fresh every morning.
Because His mercies are new every morning.
Great is His faithfulness. – Another thing for my gratitude list for the day.