After a day of morale-busting parenting yesterday, which I won’t detail, I decided it was time for a day at the creek. There really aren’t words to describe some days. When the force of your child’s will just nearly lays you flat. When your brain can’t keep up with the swirl of noise and questions and needs and arguements. To sum it up – I simply just have to say that I really never knew parenting would be this hard. And I never knew the depth of love I was capable of, either. Or how much this mothering journey would teach me about my Abba’s patient love for me.
We have a lovely creek at the back of our property, and Mr E mowed the path last night down through the field. It’s a gorgeous day, around 70 degrees, and the sound of the creek rushing over the rocks and the splashing of happy children makes my heart dance. I have to be realistic and tell you that the children weren’t always happy, there was the screaming-3yo-stumbling and the grouchy-9yo-who-chose-to-be-selfish and the puppy who wouldn’t stop trying to get into my bag.
But overall? The scenery and the joy overwhelmed the minor irritation. They were building dams and splashing hard and singing loud and the dogs companionably joined in with all the excitement. It’s fun to have two dogs, romping along with us, and Shadrach (our nearly 12 year old Husky/Border Collie mix) is tolerating Trigger the Puppy quite well. If dogs could roll their eyes, I’m pretty sure Shadrach would, while Trigger bounces around him, teasing and being generally annoying.
I’ve gotten to the lace part of this shawl/blanket that I’m working on. The pattern is Gaia by Marie Adeline Boyer, and I’m using Tosh Merino Light in Antler. This yarn. This yarn is so amazing… it’s been awhile since I’ve knit with it, and it’s lovely. The pattern says it will take 3 skeins, and I’m on skein #2. It’s simple and classic, and a very enjoyable knit. I’m working on it some in the afternoons while my children have rest time with books or take naps, and in the evenings after they are in bed. It’s been easy to pick up or put down, and once I take a glance at the pattern for each row, it’s not hard to memorize the repeats.
As I said earlier, yesterday was rough. So this morning, I sat down with my coffee, thankful for the moments of quiet still to be had, and opened this book that my friend gave me, Mom Enough. By page 2, I stopped. There was so much truth and hope and good reminders packed in, that I knew I had plenty to chew on. I quickly called my husband to read out loud to him what I was reading…
This was written by Rachel Jancovik, and perfectly spoke to me about the perspective that had gone missing from my heart in the middle of the chaos. This laying down of one’s life for another… it is a privilege. Lay down your life. As soon as I read this, my heart ignited again. I remembered Who I am serving every time I lay my life down for my children. I remembered that Jesus laid His life down for me. I remembered that it is a joy to do the same for others, most specifically the Littles and the man I have been given. I don’t want to lose sight of the fact that all this is a gift. But I’ll have to admit…When things go south it’s pretty easy to let these beautiful thoughts slip right on out the window. I want to lay down my grievances about the life I am living, not cling to them with ferocious tenacity.
Mark 10:45 “For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give His life a ransom for many.
A beautiful example in Scripture.. That Jesus Himself din’t come for people to serve Him, but to serve others. And to lay down His life.
I get to serve these precious people in my home. I get to fix the meal, listen to the stories (so easy to tune them out, so important to listen), to hug the child, to kiss the ouchie, to bathe the dirt off tiny feet.
It’s a fine work of refining, this mothering journey.
And in the spirit of full disclosure I must admit, I heard the sound of waking girls from nap time. First response? “Phooey. They are up already.”
And then they walk in. These blonde and brown-headed beauties, complete with kittens and blankies.
Be still my heart. Thank you Jesus. They are a gift.
Joining Nicole from Frontier Dreams